It was cold out

It was cold out as I walked to my truck
Still dark as the moon seemed to be stuck
I had all my stuff that I needed for the day
Off to school I was bound. I'd soon be on my way
My red, overstuffed backpack slung over my shoulder
It was so heavy. I could have been carrying a boulder
In my left hand, I held my mug of coffee
It was steaming thick with the aroma of almond toffee
Read to tackle my day, ready to pursue
I had a my best sweater on, and a nice pair of shoes.
As I neared my old, but reliable vehicle
I noticed it was covered in frost and icicles.
I opened the door and set my coffee down
I got out my key without making a sound
Thinking to myself that I would turn the truck on
Then wait inside until all the ice was gone
But I forgot my truck was a standard, and to my dismay
I didn't press the clutch, and my truck was soon rolling away
It drug me through the dirt and almost ran over my leg
My truck wouldn't stop rolling, no matter how I begged.
I then let go and watched my truck roll down the hill
I could do nothing but sit positively still
My truck entered a field, then I heard a loud pop!
Into my neighbor's shed is where it finally stopped.
With tears welling up inside, I could barely see
I couldn't believe that my truck just took off without me.

Ice Skating and Waiting

I watched.
I waited,
With baited breath
as time stood still.

The cold air melted in my tights,
and creeping up my dress.
It seems all the eyes are waiting.
Expecting only the best.

My breathing stops.
the music starts to play.
Left, right, left, right,
Never be afraid.
Left, right, left, right,
You're doing fine, you're okay.

Time drags on,
I feel the eyes on me.
Then suddenly the music stops.

Silence clings in the air.
I leave my icy stage,
now decorated by my skates

I watch.
I wait,
with bated breath
as time again stands still.

A little house

A little house off of North Ave,
Grand Junction, Colorado.
Angriness at the fact that she
isn't good enough for her family
always does wrong.
Selfish, never caring for anyone
but herself.
A little brother watches her mistakes
& her mother the most disappointed.
She tries to stop her ways,
ends up messing up again.

I no longer understand spoken language

I no longer understand spoken language
Fever swells under my skins and behind my eyes
Making one hot and tight and the other ache even when closed
But I am so cold, and so I squirm under a butterfly cocoon of soft covers.
I think I moan
Softer than a cat landing on a stone counter at the end of a jump
And it's lost in heated blankets and used tissues and white grape juice.
I try to swallow down the stinger-filled thickness that covers my senses
But my strength has been sapped away by thermometers and their soulless clicking
My mother is talking
If only I could sleep now
The viral aches have spread to my brain.
Come back tomorrow.
Maybe I'll be human again by then.

I am flying high as a kite

I am flying high as a kite
drowning in happiness, but in
the back of mine,
dreading the crash.
Flowing with the wind
and gliding among the birds.
I know that this smile might not hold
but I'm too busy flying;
Or is it falling?
I try not to worry;
I try not to think
of the possibility of my crash.
of falling instead of flying
and crying instead of smiling.
Life is too short
just enjoy the ride;
for when you crash,
it won't hurt so bad.

Innocence Lost

I was 15 when I lost my innocence.
the world became black and white,
And the color had faded away.

Where did the magic go?
All the glamour had disappeared.
I couldn't believe what was said into my ear.

Was everything a scam?
Was nothing in this world true?
I sat on this for 5 minutes or so,
quietly sitting in my room.

When I did come out,
I had come out changed.
My whole world had caved in,
my mind now drawing blanks.

My mother said no dramatics,
that's when I lowered my eyes.
My father said, "Don't sass me!"
So I tried hard to be nice.

"Mom, Dad? I don't understand.
Why do I have to be the one
to clean up the mess again?"

How do you make something good?

How do you make something good?
Go ahead and believe that it's easy
or hard. I don't mind.
But it falls somewhere in between
(Change under the couch cushions.)
You make something good one minuscule piece at a time.
Breath by breath
Step by step
Line by line.
You may feel like it's magic as you work
Its undeveloped fetus may resonate in time with your cells
But you won't know for sure
(if what you've made is good or not)
until you reach the end of it.
Your life
Your dance
Your poem.
The final line is the decider
And I've reached mine.
(Have I made something good?)

Control

Annihilate your taciturn heart with
The words that threaten to erupt from
Your trembling lips.

Suppress your meaningless thoughts
By tossing secrets at
All who show interest

Breath deeply,
Feel numbness,
Let it envelope you completely.

This is the only way to
Maintain all
Illusion of control.

Waist Deep

Waist deep in the 40 degree water

The reflective pain unbroken

Except for the ripples

From an artificial fly

the peaks of the jagged mountains lie at my feet

the strong current

trying to pull my feet from underneath me

the occasional bite from a disappointed fish

Pulling the fly under and bringing life to the tenchenles line

bringing the fish just into view through the mirror

before they rid themselves of the imposters hook

there is now place I would rather be.     

Heart Pounding

Heart pounding
all those around could hear it
loud as a race horse
pounding and stomping its feet
waiting in line
my turn is now coming up
as if has a face
it now looking at me
hands turn clammy
 
Breathing coming and going
in and out
in small fast pants
as my turn is about to face me

as I step up

to the seat
clicking and snapping is all around
as if they are making music
music that might lead me
to my death

now sitting in the death trap

the seat that keeps you safe
looks more like death
the close space
making me want to run
and hide away

people around yelling out

some laughing in joyful calmness   
some yelling that we are going to die
a few saying prayers

then it becomes quite

quite as it we night
only the sound of the
count down
count down to my possible death

then the seat took off

the wind in my face
blowing my hair back
behind me like a cape
the feeling was if
I was a bird
taking flight

the fast seat took me left ,right

up, down
spinning in spirals
upward, then downward
 
my flight of the ride was over
only a few seconds
though it felt like years
now over and done with
as if ripping off a Band-Aid
 
a smile upon my face
laughing and giggling
to only say now
I rode a roller coaster

At age 7, to me then  
was a big thing
in third grade

Untitled

The was around,

as it was bound to
the outside town

Listen closely

in the distance
a pounding sound
can be heard
 
The sky roared
its lions cry
thunder making it’s know
as the baking light

Shines out its

stability  to the unknown
 
Colorful light
can be seen

To white

to copper

As the ground turns

slushily and mushy

The lion

in the sky
cries out
for its love

Above the heavens

to show its loyalty
lion has for its love

Makes light

in the sky
when the high clouds
above cries for the loss

Carnival

I’m here,

at this carnival.

I’m surrounded by laughter, shrieks, and giggles.

I’ve prepared for this event for two weeks.

My breath tastes like toothpastes, my hair smells recently shampooed.

I had cheerios this morning.

I make my way to the lemonade stand,

I’m parched from the warmth of the sun.

I sit in the shade of a bubble gum machine.

It’s rainbow colors make me

Cheerful.

I slip my sandals off and feel the cool grass with my bare toes.

I look around…

A woman is pulling her son through a line

Of excited coaster-fanatics.

 One of the boy’s bright blue Heart-balloons

Slips out of his clammy white palm.

I catch it

 and grip it tight.

I won’t let it float away.

 

Not today not ever.

Splendor

Microscopic grains of sand weld themselves onto my sunburned calves
As I wade deeper into the cerulean waters.
With every step, I kick up a tornado around my heels,
Instigating a wild frenzy of frantic fish.
With colors parallel to those of the sand,
The fish appear to be transparent;
Shadows devoid of a subject.
Like “Memory Foam”, the sand molds around my foot
Concaving beneath my sinking toes.
Anxious not to descend into the depths of the Caribbean,
I scuttle to the left,
Disturbing a petite crab’s midday siesta.
Startled by the sight of this “sand flea”
I scamper towards the distant shore,
Towards the safety of the other tourists,
Ignorant of the splendor of a crab.

It's strenuous to see now.

It's strenuous to see now.
When I was young how.
I could think love was for me.

But after the heartbreak.

Its more than I can take.
An’ now its clear for me to see

Through the music of love is very uplifting.

The sound of heartbreak leaves me reminiscing.

But time after time

I just can't seem to find
That one special connection.

So it's clear to see

That loves not for me
And I'm fine with that.

First for me

That warm September night
clear with the moon and stars shining bright
I meet up with him at his house
a few of our friends waiting
the smell of chicken and potatoes filling the house
(well what I would smell over the make up under my nose)
he handed my the beautiful flower
slid it on my wrist
it was purple and white even matched my purple dress
(and his striped tie)
 after dinner we went off the school
it was so cool
and beautiful inside
glossy white cloth with little ballerina pink flowers everywhere
everyone was dressed up the best they could
just like they should
we walked in
me and him
feeling the boom of the music in our guts
me praying I wouldn’t be a klutz
the boom subsided and the slow song came on
you know that I'm going to throw up but in a good way feeling
you get when you get nervous but excited
as I looked up at him it got worse
do you wanna dance with me he decided to blurt
the warmth of his arms and the smell of his shirt
his old spice and boy smell
made the night just that much more memorable
and him much more loveable

The Provider

It was dark as I toddled
Across the backyard,
Almost tripping over tree roots,
To the slanted shed.

Light beams peeked through

Cracks in the walls,
Letting me know that my father
Was indeed there.

After a hard shove,

And yet another,
The door finally gave way
And let me inside.

He looked up briefly,

Flashed a smile,
Before going back to
His task.

A meat grinder,

Speckled with green paint,
Sat on the table where he worked,
Alongside a container of ground beef.

I stood there,

My chin resting on the table,
Me on my tippy toes just to reach,
And let the feeling of contentment fill me.

My father was here,

Making sure that we had meals,
Any and everything we need to live comfortably,
Providing for his family

The Moment He Started Living

The potent words slipped off her tongue

Soon dancing through my ears

My body tightened, locking in agony while

My sister and brother both cringed in sorrow.

The day we heard those words

Was the day we lost part of our world.

Now on our way to say goodbye

To the Man who raised us so

One moment led to the next

Soon to a memory I will never forget.

Laying so hopeless

To be a man once of strength, so weak.

To tell you how it feels

Could never be obtained.

There was much to say, yet nothing sputtered

Just mutters, and moans.

His hand was cold and dry as I grasped it one last time

He could hear me, but could not speak.

“I forgive you daddy, I love you so much”

He lifted his hand, towards my face

Reaching but not knowing where

I bent over and embraced him

I felt the beat of his heart, following its rhythm

Slow and steady, but faint

I took all I could

Reminisced the last moments, making them last

He relived his tension

His fight was over, finally at ease

He left a world of pain

And now he has started living

Free to fly, free of temptation

Drifting through the clouds

No more sorrow, now a new man.

The Day he started living, was the day I started breathing

So much reckoning in past days

So much damage

To know he is resting,

Watching from above.

Is enough of a memory

To free not only him

But me.

I sleep in a bunk bed

I sleep in a bunk bed.
Of a sort, I mean; don't imagine two soft, inviting mattresses.
There's only one, above a desk
It makes a cool cave, a nest of safety and inspiration.
It's ten o'clock at night now, I'm on my bed
Exhaustion is weighing me down like sandbags roped to my limbs
Rough hemp digging into tender skin.
But I need to switch the router off
Because everyone else is already cocooned in warmth and tenderness
And I was the last one to use the internet.
So I face the cold air that smells thickly of cat fur
Almost fall down the ladder and set off a firestorm of pain in my knee
(When I strike it and make a resonating clang)
Stumble through the darkness
Feel my eyes ache as they strain for light
Hit the switch
And, swallowing stinging bile and swelling bruises, 
Turn around to go back.

That Night

Just on the side walk
at the Stocker stadium
a place we all know
night has already fallen
its the end of the game
still high off of my performance for the band
floating on cloud 9
but still oh so nervous
I should be ready for supper
but my tummy to full from the butterflys
reeking havoc,
robbing me of  breath
because I know whats coming
something is about to change my life
him and my friend trying to unnoticeably
talk about me and what he should say
how after so long he should finally ask
so I know oh I know
he just as nervous as I,

I go and meet him

by the pool
where the band is putting away their
Frutia blue uniforms
we go to hug good by
in his embrace
I feel home
I think to myself I never want to leave
but I know I do
and I know I wont get a wink of sleep that night if I never know
terrified he will chicken out
(I know I would)

I look up at him.

“so you have something to ask me”
I shyly say turning tomato red
and then
he tell me what I need to hear
a ear splitting grin spreads across my beat red face
making him laugh
I say good bye and foolishly say I love you
but he doesn’t care he just laughs some more
and as it may be dark outside
but
inside my soul it is the brightest best summer day ever
and to this day
a year and almost a half later.
that beautiful feeling has never stopped.

Moment Poem

In the oily blackness of night
                On 19 Road
I am invisible; running on not-there legs.
I materialize periodically; blue and red.
Sounds fill the air, but the night is silent,
Heart beating a rhythm of passion;
                Youth.
The roadmap of memories unfolds,
                Wrinkled, half-torn, and stained;
The geography of my being.
Streets extend  like veins,
Shot through by stories;
Dripping lessons and experiences
                 from open wounds.
They float to my mind as delicately
                As dandelion seeds
And grow.
A longing tug in my chest
                Gives way to melancholic happiness
And remembrance.
A night like this, moonless.
                Thick, black, syrupy dark
Envelopes surreptitious action.
Whirring wheels stir the night;
                A familiar play,
But one different tonight.
Heat in the cold silence
                Blossoms;
An exploding star.
Peacocks cry out in the black vastness,
                Their mournful wails shatter the stillness;
Grieving innocence lost.

A Moment of Silence, Please

Walking home far
Later than usual,
I made my way,
Twisting and winding,
Through the ally ways.

Pitch dark,

Or very nearly,
Enveloped me,
But I feared the dark
Far less than the bright, violent streets.

Safety belongs to those who stay hidden.

 
The skies cried,
Don't they always?,
Forming puddles beneath
Me that I made
No effort to avoid.
 
Garage lights flickered,
And the moon beamed down,
But it was still a
Chore to see through the
Thick, wet air.

I wondered if anyone could even see me if they tried.

 
Then, beneath the ledge
Of a decaying garage
I saw a little ball of fur
Who sat,
And stared.
 
Seeking a dry spot,
Perhaps even friendship,
I trudged on over
And kneeled before
The tiny creature.

I've never seen such boney anguish.

 
Its' fur was in patches,
Its' spine and ribs
Nearly ripped their way out
Of its' poor, agitated flesh,
And it barley managed a pur as I petted it.

It was there I sat,

For too long, I'm sure,
Caressing, nudging, loving
That sad creature.
It's purs were for so long steady,

I almost didn't notice when they altogether stopped.

 
I kept petting,
Hopeful,
But the warmth
Had already gone,
And I already knew.

At least the kitten didn't have to pass in isolation.

Moment Poem

Far within a dense Forest, just north of the Rocky Mountains
I sat curled and trapped
Surrounded by thorns and chilled wind
They struck my mind with cold, harsh pain
I couldn’t move
Each direction brought a jolting pain
Nowhere to go, lost in darkness
Then a white bird broke through the dense thorn mass
With every flap its wings brought light
It swooped and swirled
Mesmerized by its dance
My soul as if left my body and joined it
A Dove, a Dove is what it was
Warmth caressed my iced skin
Light crumpled the thorns
As I sat in peace
They shriveled around me
All darkness gone
I can see the forest again
Tears once of fear now rolled of my cheek
As they seeded the soil flowers budded in its place
The Dove now dancing around me
I could feel its presence shoot through my veins
I found myself dancing with it now
Opening my arms wide as I spun
Sun and warmth on my skin
The trees separated
Creating a path out
I left the darkness, the pain behind
Now reaching for the light ahead
Dancing with my savior
New light
New life
Now hope.

Hurt

I lay there looking at the bright blue summer sky
Holding my knee to my chest feeling the stinging pain of the cut on my thigh
Tears streaking down my face visible to the human eye
My tears making rivers on my face as the liquid cleared the dirt on my face
“Momma, Momma!” I cried
With no reply I looked at my bike and kicked it
Throwing a tantrum and thrashing around and sobbing.
I hear footsteps on the warm concrete that I laid on
Looking up and seeing my worried faced mom
She picked me up and I laid my head on her comfortable chest
Felling sanctuary and feeling my pain slip away
She sits me down and rushes to the car
And brings back some peroxide and a Band-Aid
She knows I didn’t like the stingy foam of the peroxide
She changed to her ever loving and calming tone of voice
And sang to me “This Little Light of Mine” as she caressed my face
Before I knew it the Band-Aid was on
The wound had healed and at the park I played on. 

Moment Poem

The lights sparkled on the water

As the reflection of the moon rose over the tide

The crash of the waves becoming an inaudible background noise

As the transition from dusk to night is completed

The waves creep slowly up the beach

Like a serpent stalking its pray

The beach is eerily quiet

The gulls have all nested for the night to regain strength

from their daily skirmish for food

knowing that tomorrow it shall resume

the only sound is the waves

rolling in and out hypnotizing

peaceful like the shallow breaths of a sleeping earth.

Weddings and Monarchs

An unexpected place in Grand Junction Colorado,
My father's friend's backyard.
The afternoon sun stretches across the grass
and we pray that it will hold.
Unyielding fears of ironic rain
spilling forth on outdoor wedding days.
Smoothing out the fabric of my dress,
my family groups around,
congregating by the sliding door till music begins.
The soft melody floats in the air
carried by the wind, our only cue.
The butterflies of nerves flutter
and the line of family starts the steps.
I grip my brother's arm and wait,
feet beginning to ache in my heels.
I gaze with anticipation,
my eyes catching the lights from both
camera and sun.
Smile, breath, fifty faces looking at me.
I clutch the small box in hand and walk to the beat,
not too fast nor too slow.
Winds caress my skin, grapple at my dress.
The arch, elegantly beautiful,
is closer with each step.
Almost there.
I smile wide till my face is split,
and I want to laugh and cry.
The ceremony, lines of sisters, daughters,
brothers, and sons.
All trapped in the Sun's golden warm embrace.
We listen, we wait, holding delicate lives.
And on those final words, I do's and kisses,
we release the lives we held
and the flutter of Monarch wings are heard;
Brushing your ears in a silent thank you.
I stare and wonder,
would I ever know the freedom of a butterfly?

Inside her mind

a girl left alone
inside her mind
in a noisy school
with even nosier monsters in her head
 that make her feel totally uncool
wishing to see the inspiration
to set her monsters free

going through day by day

wishing to brake way
from their glare
at what she thinks is her oily hair
but really is her smart ways
for what she does not know
that day by day
is the girls that make fun of her
and call her names
that cause her such great shame
are really just the monsters
dancing in her head

because of them she can not see

the beauty in her
that her family and friends swear they see
her monsters dance in her head
stinging that venom that wont let her be
make her wish to see
the inspiration
that will finally set the monsters
in her mind free

Glittering Lights

Glittering lights danced happily on her skin,
Her dress painted the color of the sky,
So hypnotic as it brushed the dance floor,
She could smell his smooth, rustic, cologne,
A lone tear escaped her hopeful eyes,
Wondering “Will he ever want me?”
“Will it ever be my turn?”
He was her best friend,
And boyfriend to a stunning girl,
yet she had always loved him.
This once simple dance,
She felt would be their last.
Yet he unglued her from the shadows,
Rested his hand at the small of her back,
And pulled her close.
Would they ever be this close again?
Warm breath tickled  her ear,
And a whisper meant only for her crept in,
“I’ve always loved you.”
“It’s only you.”

Problems

Everyone has problems
There is no denying that
Some big and some small
But problems are troubles to us all
It may be a young child who has lost some one they dearly loved
Unable to cope with the fact that they are above
Or a man who has lost everything except himself
Trying and trying to rebuild what once was his wealth
Or a person who simply has stress
For an up and coming math test
No matter the size may it be big or small
It is our loved ones who will help us all.

Moonlit Mirror

I stand

The moonlit mirror. 
Has me glaring,
straight into my own eyes.
The windows to the soul.

I cant help but to look,

the idea of watching my own life play out from the beginning
is so luscious 
it grabs at me.

I hastily step into the moonlit mirror

I am enveloped by the shadow of my past,
they pull me in deeper, to the abyss of my memories.

I turn to run, 

but i find myself, 
face to face.
with a moonlit mirror. 

Just Yesterday

Gentle rain caressed his skin

Along soaked steps that trailed his way

He reached out and called to his future

Waiting to see the light

The door opened and there he saw

A sight that left him tantalized

Warmth brought by her smile

Lips so free and inviting

Her heavenly gaze left him paralyzed

Depend into his mind

His hands shook

Legs limp

Never in his years

Had a girl stole his heart, like she did that day.

Memories made

They left their mark on the world

Years of love and life

On top of the world

Living so fully

It seemed like yesterday

Time went by so fast

Now she lay there

Her skin worn and thin

The life in her eyes drifting

Amongst the sorrow in his heart

There was warmth

  One brought by her smile

Her lips speaking peace

As her time drifted away

She now lay still

His hands shook

Legs limp

Now only memories remain

But to him it seems

Like it were just yesterday