Holding my knee to my chest feeling the stinging pain of the cut on my thigh
Tears streaking down my face visible to the human eye
My tears making rivers on my face as the liquid cleared the dirt on my face
“Momma, Momma!” I cried
With no reply I looked at my bike and kicked it
Throwing a tantrum and thrashing around and sobbing.
I hear footsteps on the warm concrete that I laid on
Looking up and seeing my worried faced mom
She picked me up and I laid my head on her comfortable chest
Felling sanctuary and feeling my pain slip away
She sits me down and rushes to the car
And brings back some peroxide and a Band-Aid
She knows I didn’t like the stingy foam of the peroxide
She changed to her ever loving and calming tone of voice
And sang to me “This Little Light of Mine” as she caressed my face
Before I knew it the Band-Aid was on
The wound had healed and at the park I played on.
awww, this was so cute! you set the scene well, with the blue sky, warm concrete and the tharshing of your bike. i really liked the phrase "tears making rivers on my face" it wasnt the typical cliche, good job adding your own twist to it! everyone can relate to this becasue we have all had at least one accurance that our mothers have soothed us through pain. really good poem!
ReplyDeleteYou captured pain very well, as well as the feeling of being comforted and taken care of!
ReplyDeleteYou really capture the feeling that many of we, as kids, experienced from falling off of our bikes. You also captured the feelings that a mother's love can invoke and your imagery captured the scene and the pain perfectly.
ReplyDeleteI think that you've done an awe-inspiring jaw of depicting what it's like to be a child here. What it's like to be hurt, and irrationally angry at the only thing that you can blame besides yourself. What it's like to be comforted by a parent. All in all, wonderful.
ReplyDeleteThis was pretty clearly written and for the most part well done. The rhyming seemed like it was sort of a spur-of-the-moment thing and you only did it sometimes. Other than that, though, pretty good.
ReplyDeletei liked the way you set up the scene because we all have bin in a simaler situation
ReplyDeleteIt flowed really well and it had a bit of a rhymed to it. it showed a good pictuer of a child gettin hurt then getting taken care of by the childs mother.
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