all those around could hear it
loud as a race horse
pounding and stomping its feet
waiting in line
my turn is now coming up
as if has a face
it now looking at me
hands turn clammy
Breathing coming and going
in and out
in small fast pants
as my turn is about to face me
as I step up
to the seatclicking and snapping is all around
as if they are making music
music that might lead me
to my death
now sitting in the death trap
the seat that keeps you safe looks more like death
the close space
making me want to run
and hide away
people around yelling out
some laughing in joyful calmness some yelling that we are going to die
a few saying prayers
then it becomes quite
quite as it we nightonly the sound of the
count down
count down to my possible death
then the seat took off
the wind in my faceblowing my hair back
behind me like a cape
the feeling was if
I was a bird
taking flight
the fast seat took me left ,right
up, downspinning in spirals
upward, then downward
my flight of the ride was over
only a few seconds
though it felt like years
now over and done with
as if ripping off a Band-Aid
a smile upon my face
laughing and giggling
to only say now
I rode a roller coaster
At age 7, to me then
was a big thing
in third grade
I really liked your use of syntax in this poem. The short lines gave the impression that you were hyperventilating and helped to transmit the fear you were feeling to the audience.
ReplyDeleteI like how you dont explane how your rideinga roller coster tell the end, keeped me geusing.
ReplyDeleteNice twist at the end didnt expect it.
I like how you compared the roller coster ot a death trap.
Rand Hillyer
Very descriptive and used all the basic senses of what you would experience from a roller coaster ride. I can realte to the poem which makes it even more enjoyable. - Haiden Sloan
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