at the Stocker stadium
a place we all know
night has already fallen
its the end of the game
still high off of my performance for the band
floating on cloud 9
but still oh so nervous
I should be ready for supper
but my tummy to full from the butterflys
reeking havoc,
robbing me of breath
because I know whats coming
something is about to change my life
him and my friend trying to unnoticeably
talk about me and what he should say
how after so long he should finally ask
so I know oh I know
he just as nervous as I,
I go and meet him
by the poolwhere the band is putting away their
Frutia blue uniforms
we go to hug good by
in his embrace
I feel home
I think to myself I never want to leave
but I know I do
and I know I wont get a wink of sleep that night if I never know
terrified he will chicken out
(I know I would)
I look up at him.
“so you have something to ask me”I shyly say turning tomato red
and then
he tell me what I need to hear
a ear splitting grin spreads across my beat red face
making him laugh
I say good bye and foolishly say I love you
but he doesn’t care he just laughs some more
and as it may be dark outside
but
inside my soul it is the brightest best summer day ever
and to this day
a year and almost a half later.
that beautiful feeling has never stopped.
The reference to "cloud nine" was a good metaphor, you really set the scene in details and it made me feel as if i was standing right beside you during this event. I liked the description of your emotions like the smile (ear to ear). it was really good!
ReplyDeleteI really like the lines "but my tummy to full from the butterflys/ reeking havoc,/robbing me of breath."
ReplyDeleteThe Diction Was Well USed Overall in this poem and the feeling was set in my stomach too hahaha.
ReplyDeleteThe story conveyed in this poem is a good one, but the random changes in tense served only to confuse me and muddle the lines between what had already happened and what was happening in the moment. Nice use of imagery, though.
ReplyDeleteI liked the description it panted a good image but it also touch away from the poem because it made it not flow in my opinion
ReplyDelete