Surrounding his every move like a thick abyssal cloud
Swallowing him whole
Threatened into paralysis
He stood motionless against the blank wall
Prohibiting himself from committing even the slightest blink
In fear that it may draw their attention
They could return at any moment
He knew he had to hide
That in a few hours’ time the darkness would no longer provide the veil
In which he had disguised himself
But his position was fixed
His body still frozen from the events he had just paid witness to
A mugging becomes more than a stick up
When it results in a gunshot
A witness becomes more than a innocent bystander
When he is spotted
He is now the prey of New York’s lion the mafia
He’s got but 4 hours until dawn
4 hours until his demise
Your diction was very powerful with words like "abyssal," and "paralysis." The imagery was also very vivid.
ReplyDeleteOverall I Really Liked The Imagry Of The "New York Lion Mafia" :)
DeleteThe Diction was well used too.
this was a very good layout of the plot, it really built well and increased your attention. you can almost but feel the nervousness and flight this man is going to have to take to keep his own life after seeing another already taken.
ReplyDeleteThe imagery was very strong, as well as your diction, I loved that I could feel your fear as if it was my own. VERY POWERFUL!
ReplyDeleteI love how you've managed to convey what is basically an entire short story in only twenty lines.
ReplyDelete