Praying that you don't miss.
My first kiss was awkward, I was new!
for i was only twelve. at that metallica venue,When James Hetfeild's nephew came into veiw,
and offered to teach me to smooch.
He had long hair and white teeth,
Yes he was a real doll,I hoped he had expectations I could meet,
that I could do it all.
He was a real pro,
I only wished he was sweet.He didn't seem to know,
that on stage was where my daddy could see.
When his lips pressed to mine,
you'd never know,
That this was my first time.
After the show my daddy shouted,
and stormed the place to and fro,She's too young! as i sat there and pouted.
But where Jt went?
no one would ever know.
This peom is good, i like how you are trying to tell me about your Frist Kiss and how no one will teach us how to kiss. after your frist kiss, it was awkward because no one will tell you. it also showed feelings in poem to.
ReplyDeletewhen I read the titial I think oh a cute sappy love poem. nope I get this awesomely funny love poem that makes me laugh ha ha ha
ReplyDeleteThe rhyming in this poem feels a bit forced, and doesn't follow a set scheme. That being said, the story is different, and what could have been a trite little love poem was certainly something more.
ReplyDeletei like your use of common language to describe what’s going on because i feel like people always try to us advanced vocabulary in poetry but sometimes that just makes the poem worse and i like how you didn’t try to do that
ReplyDeleteBeing able to relate to a poem is very improtaunt and I love the way you did tell this very young and lively and the nervousness was set quite well. - Haiden Sloan
ReplyDelete